| i may not be.. |
[01 Apr 2007|10:38pm] |
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mood |
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 sore |
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but i just feel so alone in the middle of all of this right now.
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| HipHop is dEd. |
[11 Feb 2007|11:04pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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music |
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nas |
] |
well i haven't been writing anything, really..or talking so uh i don't know what's going to end up in this entry! we'll see. i am not anywhere close to where i want to be. i have three months until i graduate and have yet to finish my senior project. i just want to get it done so i can get SOME pressure off my shoulders. besides school i don't do too much anymore. my family has been going through some really hard times. brother went away for about two weeks last month getting into God knows what trouble. i've never been so hurt by a member of my family as i was then. it's like you'd give this person the world if they wanted(... and it's not like falling in love with a guy---your own blood.)and they can't see how much pain they are causing. ya know if you can't trust your own brother and he can't be an active part of you and your family's life because of his flaws-- WHO CAN YOU TRUST? ehh this whole situation had me really shaken up.
anna nicole died.
valentines day/feb20 is around the corner. whatever. it's not that i care about having a fucking valentine or not because i don't.
uhhhh whatever blah blahblahyou're so shitty
i just want to start makin some cheddddaa
my family to have a good year
and to walk across that stage in may.
there are so many things still on my mind ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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| i don't care if this looks pathetic it's the TRUTH. |
[15 Oct 2006|06:33pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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evanesence-lithium... it's really good shut up! |
] |
whenever things went wrong i would write and they would get better. somehow i don't think this journal entry will change any of the wrong things in my life right now. it's funny how life can be so great and ...TERRIBLE at the same time. so me and my brother just got into fight. mainly because i'm an ungreatful bitch. it's true... lately i act like i don't care about or love anyone and i've just been so mean. so we got in this fight and i ended up telling him i didn't love, i hated how he hung out with tyler all the time, and that i wanted him i wanted him to die--- all this fucked up shit right.... and he started crying and just said "i fucking love you laura". and told me that he was sorry that we hurt eachother, and it hurts him that i never tell him why i'm so upset.. and he didn't want me to grow up to be like him and fuck up with drugs like he has in the past. well i live in st. charles parish and i'm pretty sure everyone knows all of my business on that matter anyway. yeah i've done a lot but it just isn't worth it anymore. and YES pot is excluded from this list. i mean seriously all i have done is turn into a mean, vindictive person when it comes to my ass getting into any kind of trouble with that shit. i do hurtful things to people that i otherwise would never do. which comes to the next subject- jordan stephany. this was the first person i ever loved and cared for more than anyone on the planet and feelings were actually reciprocated. drugs and me being "secretive" about them fucked that up. God i hate talking about him or seeing him with other girls...BECAUSE IT FUCKING HURTS!!! it's the worst feeling to lose the love of someone very special. no it wasn't just my fault but i do take more of the blame. reason:1 part guilty conscience and 1 part him making me feel like everything is my fault. ya kinda end up feeling like a douchebag still being in "love" with someone whose not there-- but hey that's how i feel. and he knows it. that hurts too.. enough about that i'm sure everyone hears enough of it anyway. ---so for the sake of those who DO actually love me no matter what this is the last time i'm trying to change all this shit and if i don't do it that means i've failed something else --- and i won't take that from myself anymore. speaking of failingg--- i am making reallllyyy good greades this year that. i'm 'proud' of myself. ha that's a first. anyway junior year was great, summer was great, pretty much everything has been great. weeeeeellll..maybe 50/50 according to the above. anyway i do feel a little better now and i think i'm gonna go give chris a big hug. everyone who reads this: CHERISH the people who mean the most to you-- and make sure they know you do because when it comes down to it all you have in life are those people. not your car or how popular you might be, or how much money you may have. you are NOTHING without ya PEEPS! ha yeah goooddnight.
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[19 Feb 2006|09:12pm] |
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mood |
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 satisfied |
] |
just really happy
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| stupid |
[09 Jan 2006|11:13pm] |
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mood |
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stupid |
] |
| [ |
music |
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stupid |
] |
stupid
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[18 Dec 2005|11:46pm] |
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mood |
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 thankful |
] |
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music |
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Michael Buble- Home |
] |
so, maybe it's time for a real update.
i slept all day so i'm sure i'll be up all night.
i totalled my car last friday on the 9th. hopefully i will remember to post some pictures because it is something i can't forget. when it comes down to it i could probobly care less about not having that car anymore (even though it was the best first car i could get and i will probobly get some hoopty now) but i am so THANKFUL that me and marlena are okay. i seriously don't know what i would do if i had been responsible for taking my best friend's life. what happened was-- we were on our way to laplace from my house to meet bran for her birthday. on the interstate in a rush no glasses on, phone ringing, blah blah... went to get off at the norco exit to get on airline. hit my breaks too hard, started fishtailing... hit one side of the ramp, then the other side, then back to the other, flipped over and skidded down the ramp. i didn't see my life flash before my eyes but everything was going through my head. i thought about my parents, responsibility, trust, marlena, friends, tyler, i thought about what i a fuck up i was, i thought i went over into the swamp, i thought about just lying there still until i woke up and everything was okay and how i would just have a scratch on my car. i can't really explain everything that was going through my head because it was all much more complex than it seems. it is a scary thing knowing you are on the edge of losing your life. since then i have been trying to find out why i am living for. i appriciate everyone's thoughts and prayers. love love loveeee you all! and tyler,megh,blaine,masey... i love ya'll! and thanks for coming.. even though i was okay it meant so much to me.
i know i do some pretty stupid things but i guess it's just all a part of growing up.
tyler and i aren't together anymore for various reasons but of course i still love him.
um i just don't know? sometimes i just want to go away and be a whole differant person than i am being. obviously, that can't happen so i am trying harder to get things straight. i'm not working at gadzooks anymore... which was a stupid idea. i miss it so much but yeah i just can't handle that right now.
i really wish i would have a deeper religion though like i once had. btw: the rosary i kept in my car blessed by the pope that ian robert gave me..i really think it saved me. anyway-- i would love to start going back to church and praying more. i'm not sure about having every single roman catholic belief because i think your relationship with God is a very sacred, intimate, and personal thing. realizing the good things in my life now-- i do believe i will start being more involved in them.
i don't know what else to write right now because i want to study but if i think of anything else i need to get off my chest i will do so!
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| C-YA |
[01 Dec 2005|11:21am] |
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mood |
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discontent |
] |
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music |
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Kaci Brown- Unbelievable |
] |
so i think i will find another hole to crawl into and die again.
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| i've got the bounce like hydrolics |
[22 Nov 2005|03:26am] |
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mood |
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relaxed |
] |
in collinsville right now. it is good. wholesome here.
staying with abbie. love her a lot. and her ma. and i love her brother that i always said i was going to marry when i grew up. i love his twins. they get cuter everytime i see them.
just me and mom came up. i love her a lot too.
have to go see all the family tomorrow. kind of excited actually. i've missed them a lot. i also need to go see my grandma. mom hasn't said anything about going to see her. i think she is trying to forget about losing her. BUT since we don't come up here as often anymore i would like mom to put some of our flowers on her grave. plus.. this might just be a feeling i have-- but i havent been around her in over a year and a half and i think just being where i know she is for sure would make me feel better. i think i will talk to my mom first thing in the morning about going. or i might go first? i don't know.. i'm ramblingg...
thanksgiving is in two days and i am thankful for my parents. this could be the first thanksgiving in my life where i have said that and actually meant it. oh sense that maturity level rising..
i need to get more christmas money. i am actually in a giving mood. christmas list? ..better give it to me now.
i need to get friends? i think? i have them, i've just lost them for a little bit? i don't know? not lonely but i feel alone? yaknowhamean? discluded kind of sometimes? a jealousy issue as well?.. quite possibly. most probobly.
i've been getting sad sometimes lately but i just brush my shoulders off i guess.
i am pretty okay. nothing to complain about really except for the whole feeling left out thing.
jillians birthday was yesterday. whaaa!
i love tyler a lot now a days.
i wait for winter all year just to find myself waiting on spring again.
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| um just a little update |
[31 Oct 2005|10:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 loved |
] |
the weekend before homecoming in BR was aweshomee..got a dress for homecoming. not the one i wanted but it was straight..
homecoming the next weekend ate at christianos and um had a nice time.
friday was chill.
saturday was byrds. i had a bunch of fun and crap.
okay now-
for the past couple days i have felt really sad which is VERRRYY rare now a days. i just want to lay down in my bed all day and drink hot tea and write. it is so freaking weird mannn...
back at work making some moo-la which makes me happy. it is like all new anti-social people that work there now. except for amanda morretinni. HOLLA. thank God. and jenn.. and sarah.. but that's really only the people i like at work now. but whatever.
i love tyler so much. it really is funny how things work out. but honestly, in terms of happiness, he has made me happier than any other person ever has. i never thought i would say that about anyone but i just did. he's got me heels over head.
my brother is living off of st. charles. good for him.
my dad is offshore
my mom is here doing real estate shit
i don't know.
everything has been pretty great with the exception of the shitty mood i have been in for the past couple days.
i am kind of tired
nightttt!
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| so0o0o0o scared |
[09 Oct 2005|03:57am] |
BlAcKROSES7170: hey laura wanna cyber
yousexxyfishie: yea im so horny rit now
BlAcKROSES7170: ohhh you look good in that white hoodrat beater
yousexxyfishie: wtf howd u know dat
BlAcKROSES7170: i'm watching you
BlAcKROSES7170: im in the plum treez
yousexxyfishie: ok hu is dis tell me now im scared
BlAcKROSES7170: dis tino
yousexxyfishie: OMG STOP RIGHT NOW!!!!
BlAcKROSES7170: dis MEOW MEOW
BlAcKROSES7170: rawwwwwllllllllllllllllllll
yousexxyfishie: omgomgOMGomgoMGOMGOMGOMGOMG PLZ STOP I AM So0o0o0o SKARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BlAcKROSES7170: i like those crackers you're eating
yousexxyfishie: STOP TALKIN 2 MEH R I WILL WARN YEW
BlAcKROSES7170: warn me....nigga plz
BlAcKROSES7170: i got my bff rodney that'll stab a hoe
yousexxyfishie: FUCKOFFORIWILLFUCKINGSTABYOU37TIMESINYOURFUCKINGREPRODUCTIVEORGANS
BlAcKROSES7170: GOODNITEz
BlAcKROSES7170: sleep tight
yousexxyfishie: hehe u 2
BlAcKROSES7170: i will...in b/w those thighs
BlAcKROSES7170: ill rape your ass
yousexxyfishie: omggggggg
yousexxyfishie: omgomgomgomg
yousexxyfishie: i cant breathe
yousexxyfishie: plz just stop just make it stop
BlAcKROSES7170: ill make it stop when i stab you like i did LISA SANCHEZ
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| fag |
[09 Oct 2005|03:42am] |
Layknee2: BlAcKROSES: hey baby wanna cyber??
CuTiEpIe22: yea im so horny rit now
BlAcKROSES: dam i luv dat red lace bra
CuTiEpIe22: wtf howd u know dat
BlAcKROSES: lisa, u kno im watchin u
CuTiEpIe22: ok hu is dis tell me now im scared
BlAcKROSES: just turn around and ull see me baby gurl
CuTiEpIe22: OMG STOP RIGHT NOW!!!!
BlAcKROSES has signed off at 11:37 PM
Lisa was scared for her life, and curious as she was, she spun around immediately. Nothing was there. Her parents wouldnt be home from dinner for a couple hours, so she decided to get in bed and just try to forget about it. She grabbed the baseball bat next to her closet, and walked to her bed. She got in bed and turned off the lights.
she got scared,so decided to move to her parents big bed. The lights were off, but she could see the bed so she just climbed in and closed her eyes, taking deep breaths.
when she was finally relaxed, she felt some eerie breaths on the back of her neck. she froze completely.
"hey cutie pie" a voice whispered.
that night, at 11:52 Lisa Sanchez was violently raped and murdered in her parents bed. the murderer was never located.
REPOST THIS IN 5 MINUTES WITH THE HEADLINE "I WANNA MAKEOUT WITH..." or expect an instant message from BlAcKROSES tonight at 11:37. Go ahead and google it if you wanna know more details.
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| a lot of change |
[27 Sep 2005|03:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 confused |
] |
it just hit me about 3 minutes ago that so many of my friends are starting new lives and some i will never see again. i can't even describe how i feel right now-- an hour ago i was normal but i feel like i am in shock or something. these people i have been with, told my secrets to, loved, cried with, LAUGHED with, partied with, spent everyday for two years with are just GONE. as simple as that. i have to admit life is going really well for me right now.. i like my new school, love my new friends, great boyfriend, etc... but realizing this has made me feel very lonely among other things. i don't know... time is change i guess.
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[03 Sep 2005|01:39pm] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
] |
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music |
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2pac. |
] |
ll chunk ll: wow it seems like we're stray cats we're just roaming across country
yousexxyfishie: ughh tmik Qt:-\
i miss that sly cat alreadyyy..
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| hurricane katrina |
[31 Aug 2005|05:05pm] |
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mood |
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 worried |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the news |
] |
my house is okay..
i hope everyone is okay too!
i miss marlena so much!
i miss my boyfriend.
this fucks up everything-- but i'm not going to complain about it.
me and brother are going to BR in a little while.. we're at my grandma's house right now up by natchez. cell phones aren't that useful but if you can get my voicemail leave me a message.
chapelle, BM, rummel, EJ, & others.. i've been prayin' for ya'll! love you
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[18 Aug 2005|08:00pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
] |
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music |
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Tim McGraw- Watch The Wind Blow By |
] |
i don't know why... but i am so increadibly happy.
school is fine but i do miss the chapelle girls so very much. i would like to go visit one day soon.. yeah i think i will do that.
i've just been real chill lately.
everyone is leaving.. i am sure i will be up in br a lot more visiting.
mark left for lsu today... i will miss him. he was real cool to chill with and shit.. but his birthday is coming up so we will probobly be throwing it down like bad bitches..
i know a kutie.and i can't stop smiling. shit wtf is wrong with laura?!
i had more to say i think... but that's all i want to.
i have something to do.
later.
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| VERY IMPORTANT |
[03 Aug 2005|12:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 thirsty |
] |
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music |
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lil webbie... of course. |
] |
HEY TODAY/NIGHT ON THE THIRD OF AUGUST DOES ANYONE WANT TO GET REAL CRUNK WITH ME?????????????? BECAUSE YEAH I NEED IT IN MY SYSTAAAAAM.
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| GUESS THIS SONG? AHHHH LOLZ GOOOD 1. |
[21 Jul 2005|01:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 giggly |
] |
We are Siameeiz if you pleeiz
We are Siameeiz if you don't please
We are former residents of Siam
There are no finer cats than we am
We are Siamese with very dainty claws
Please observing paws containing dainty claws
Now we lookin' over our new domicile
If we like we stay for maybe quite a while
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| fun fact. |
[18 Jul 2005|03:29am] |
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mood |
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 hot |
] |
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music |
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tegan and sara |
] |
i was going to update my livejournal about two hours ago until i realized i didn't know what i was going to say.
well, i have now figured out what i was going to say.
i run away too much. i run away from good things too fast before i have time to think. not really speaking of anything in particular, but looking back on the past few months/my whole life, i noticed that is just what i do. this makes me feel like a very scared, blind, PLAIN person. i am not sure why but the word "plain" just comes to mind. maybe the next time an opportunity comes along i will change this problem.
BTW: i have a bunch of summer pictures. maybe i will put them up sometime or something.
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and_i_wakeup's journal
